I didn't know then, but I was told it was the only way boys get attention from the girls. As annoying as it is, it didn't score points for me. By the time I was in High School, the same guy came up to me and asked me out. I just gave him the most demeaning lip any guy would ever get from me. I crushed his dignity like a bug. My best friend made me feel bad for saying harsh words to him; it was unlike me to say such things to a person. It's true - I don't have the heart to be sadistic, scornful and prejudice towards others. I sent an apology letter that never arrived. I must have been given a fake address. I guess it was never meant to be.
When I got to college, I thought I knew everything there is to know about relationships. I had realized much too late that I was wrong. Looking back at my relationship with my first boyfriend, I could have been a better partner. I could have been so much happier without my daughter's father. When I realized the mistake I made (7 years down my marriage and divorce), I've learned to be more appreciative, understanding and a supporting spouse to my current husband, who is still my best friend, mentor and partner.
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| http://www.linain.com/category/dating-methods-for-men |
There was this guy in college who confessed he had a crush on me and wanted to hang out and get to know me. 5 points for trying. Then he asked me what my religion was. When I told him that I am a Christian, he slid down the other end of the bench as if I had an incurable disease. -5 points for being a judgmental prick. Hey, he asked; I answered. There was no point of getting upset over something I didn't do. I don't go around strutting my stuff in public. It's not my thing. When I told him that I wasn't interested, he begged me to give him a chance. -5 points for being pathetic. The only way I got completely rid of him was when I told a friend, whom I was emotionally supporting, that I had a troll in my way. She's a bit on the plump side, still a beauty nonetheless. She walked up to him and snuggled to his side and said, "So, I heard you were single and looking for someone to be with. Would you like to be my boyfriend?" It was the coolest thing she ever did for me. I'll tell you her story another time.
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| http://thesquarelife.com/content/relationships-dating |
When I use the term 'perversion', I mean the true definition of perversion. One good example:
I was about 10 or 11 at the time. My mother had invited her friend over for the holidays. Their son was about 12 or 13. My mother prepared my bedroom, which I also share with my sisters, into their guest room. The loft became our bedroom. At the time, I had fashioned my quadro into a double bunk bed. We girls were told to sleep on the bunk bed and the boy to sleep on the floor on the other corner of the loft. When my mother suggested the boy share the same bedroom with us, I was not only petrified, I was enraged. Needless to say, I learned this boy is much to be desired as a friend, let alone safe to be with. My sister had told me he had silently crept up to the bunk bed and kissed her. One morning he gestured me to take a peek at the keyhole where his parents were sleeping. He was disturbingly excited about something. I gave a peek to see what his fuss was about; and I quickly pulled away because I saw naked people through the key hole. He begged me to continue looking. I refused. I told him he was disgusting. He just looked at me with such confusion. He said, "You have to see them do it. It's fascinating!" He was cackling with such glee peering back into the key hole, I ran away to find my mother. I was hoping this information alone would let her know he was a dangerous boy to be with. Obviously, he denied such an act and I got punished for it. That night after the incident, he laid next to me, whispered in my ear, "I forgive you. I'm going to kiss you and you're going to like it. If you say anything else, I'll make sure you'll regret it."
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| http://www.radicalparenting.com/2009/01/26/7-facts-about-teen-dating-abuse-smothering-and-obsessive-youth/ |
I never told anyone. At that time and in that moment, I'd rather it be me than my sisters. Even if I had told what had happened that night, my mother would have given the same reaction she gave me when I told her the family friend from Malaysia attempted to molest me. Her response, "You should have known better than to have allowed it to happen. You should never go alone with a man." This experience alone is why I played the Bitch Card as often as the opportunity see fit. What angered me the most, my mother's lack of intuition and safety of her daughters' well-being.
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| http://www.dodgenet.com/~dsaoc/esdatingviolence.htm |
Healing takes a while especially when there's very limited resources. How I managed to leave the abusive relationship was acting upon his wager. His wager was that I did not have the guts to call the Women's Center (Interact). It took finesse, calculated opportunities and safe planning. After being through so much, my mother apologized.
I love her dearly. I accepted her apology. Forgiveness is not something I give to people freely unless I know it's sincere. It's hard to believe that anything my mother does for me was ever sincere. I'm sure the sentiment was there at the time when she apologized. All that feeling of reconciliation faded when she struck me again with guilt and blame during my visit for my father's memorial service.
In time I hope when my daughter is old enough to grasp the concept of relationships, I hope she has the heart to forgive me for doing what I knew was best for the both of us.
