I'm not asking for lawmakers to change what has already been established. I reserve the right to educate my child on how to deal with people, who lack the ability to understand the restrictions of crossing personal boundaries.
I am very fortunate that my daughter has finally understood the restrictions of personal space and boundaries. I was not part of the conversation, but I was told that my daughter had overheard that someone at her school have just started to become sexually active. I was thinking to myself, "At what point in time did someone believe this was a good idea?"
However, in regards to the subject at hand; I was rest assured that my daughter did not see fit to lose all her future plans as an artist to peer pressure of being sexually active. With that being said, she also has to understand the level of scrutiny undermining another girl at school, who has chosen to become sexually active at the age of 15.
Recollecting all the memories I had in high school brought me back to a time line where I grew up being constantly reminded: "If you are seen walking with a student of the opposite gender (in the exception of school activities such as drama, club conventions, class projects and the like), you will be suspended from school." With that being said, I was always cautious with what I was doing since most of the classmates I hung out with were of the opposite gender.
High School for me was more than just learning academics. It was also about learning to be social, and tolerant of others, who were incapable of grasping the concept of good sportsmanship and camaraderie.
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| This picture was taken when I was around 7 or 8 years old |
The first time I was bullied at school, I was in first grade. I thought my parents were going to get mad at me. I did not have a sturdy built stature. My parents were against self-defense. Needless to say, despite my efforts in trying to defend myself, I was just not able fight 5 boys all by my lonesome. I was bloody and bruised all over. Even after my father filed a complaint, it did not stop the harassment.
Even after I was transferred to a new school, I was not the same compassionate little girl my parents remembered. I was aggressive and sought out friends to come up with avant-garde ways in deflecting threats. After a few spankings at school and at home, I became indifferent to my well-being. It did not matter whether or not I cared about my situation as long as the aggressor lost their ground of being dominant.
My perspective changed when I was transferred to another school to accompany my younger sister. I learned that good guys do actually exist on the planet. I also learned that immature adults do exist too. I had a teacher, who constantly harassed me. As I have said before, my stature was always a good target for harassment. I thought my parents wouldn't believe me. I thank God for good friends who told my parents otherwise. When my parents had filed a complaint against this immature man, he resorted to insulting me instead. He was later fired after several counts of other students, who finally spoke up about his harassment and abusive behaviors.
By the time I entered high school, I was already renowned for my prowess and ingenuity with deterring harassment. I didn't think much of it then until I wrote this blog; realizing that I started something good.
Let me give you a good example of what I mean. I've always hated wearing skirts and dresses because the feeling of the breeze around my thighs were uncomfortable to me. My mother is a progressive feminist. It was her suggestion that I wore shorts or leggings underneath my frocks. My female classmates never knew this until we got to high school. The high school building had a set of spiral stairs instead of a solid flight of steps.
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| Photo credit: Student of St. Andrew's School, Brunei |
By the time I got to Junior high, there were rumors about girls getting raped at the roof of the school. I was concerned and afraid at the same time. Whether or not the rumors were true, I had always made sure that my sisters and I were never subjected to be in that situation. The rumors got pretty bad when one of the female students was labeled "slut." I felt like I should have said something to stop the demeaning insults because I was led to believe that it was her fault for wearing skirts, which were against school policy (skirt length has to be 1/2" to 3/4" below the knee or above the ankle).
It wasn't until I watched 'The Accused' (starring Jodie Foster), that I learned rape is not a woman's fault. The subject in itself was taboo for my parents because it's not something worth talking about. I didn't understand their reasoning at the time until I was in my mid-20s.
Just because the Jews in Biblical times had to marry off their daughters to their rapists doesn't mean they (my parents) have to comply with their doctrines too. What modern practicing Jew would want to do so?
My religious knowledge instructor had raised this awareness in class. To what extent does the law allow the age of consent? Parents in areas of poverty have to resort to heinous acts such as selling off their young children for monetary support. Not realizing the harm they have caused their children. Not every good intention of a stranger is a favorable gesture. The Department of Community Development of Brunei Darussalam has a hot-line for children to call if they feel threatened in their own home.
Even when we had sex education from our Science instructor, there were certain aspects of the subject she could not communicate to the class. The lessons were basic and to the point. I was sexually harassed in class because I had a smaller chest than most of the girls. The constant banter was whether or not I wore any under garments; and if so to describe what they were. These students figured why I should even bother wearing any since I had "none" to begin with. Even when I addressed my concern to the teachers, their sympathy to my situation did not help resolve the issue. As my mother had put it, "If you can't handle a harmless jester, you will be inapt to adjust accordingly when it matters the most."
I beg to differ. Any form of harassment or violent act regardless of circumstances, the victim is still at the losing end. Without support or reliable resources or getting justified retribution of the assailant, the victim will never surpass positive outlooks of their future; let alone heal from their deep seated wounds.
If it were not for Angela Shelton, "Safe Side Superchick" would never have taught children to learn how to defend themselves from ill-motivated contribution or courtesy.
There are so many resources and programs for women out there; yet, I feel there's such an imbalance for men. I am for equal rights. If Project Consent is progressing towards equal opportunity for men, I applaud their efforts. Any form of activism has put a damper on my radar mainly because I have learned that human behaviors in regards to forward progression has always been very short-lived.
Whether or not the future holds better opportunities for both men and women to become equal partners in society, the society as it stands now, will always be for the 'Survivors of the Fittest.'
