Admittedly, I've done my share of reproaching others, but of course with good reasons. Granted, I learned a lot of life lessons from my parents, including my own. One thing for sure that never changes - the individual. We were all taught from very young that we have to be like Einstein or the world's greatest philosopher. For those who have gifted talents, we were told to practice every minute of our daily lives to become famous as Leonardo da Vinci or Yo Yo Ma.
In the reality of it all, pressuring our children with expectations we ourselves cannot achieve, is futile. From the moment my daughter was born, I gave her one simple expectation: Learn from your mistakes otherwise it will upset Mommy and Daddy.
She's still young and there's a lot of room for her to grow wiser. I can understand the confusion she is facing at school. We told her we cannot and would not be able to control what goes on outside of our home. We could lecture her until we're blue in the face, but honestly she has to figure that out on her own. It's amusing to me right now, but looking back at my childhood, it wasn't funny.
I had been beaten up at school before. Unruly boys they were, but needlessly violent nonetheless. They stole my new stationery and wrist watch, to which my mother's response was, "Why did you let them?" How could a six year old answer that logic?
My father had spoken to the school principle about it, but I heard nothing more of the discussion other than I would be going to a new and better school. The boys there were not any better. I had to learn to fight back. I am not a feminist by a long shot, but I had wished my parents (especially, my mother) had done something more than just tell me to suck it up and move on.
No, I do not intend to boycott the schools. I believe it's a parent's responsibility to ensure their children interact socially without violence or prejudice. My daughter has given the school a difficult time. I have been called several times before about her behavior. She blatantly gives herself away by just saying, "I just want someone to pay."
That comment alone made me wonder about myself. Have I really lost my ability to be a parent? She has been to the Mental Health Clinic twice. Even after the incident with her being sent there for evaluation was a relief, it still brings a heavy toll to our livelihood as parents. My reading on 'Savage Spawn' did shed some light. She's not a Lorenzo.
Lorenzo was a little boy I met in 1999 when I began my first work as a receptionist at a family dental office. Lorenzo was the son of the dentist partner of my employer. At first glance, he peps you up with P's and Q's. When his mother comes to pick him up, is another story. He would run to his father even after I told him he shouldn't disturb him when his father was with a patient. He would shove me, kick and punch his mom, and then run towards the clinic. His father would have to apologize to his patient and tell his son that he needed to be be working. Lorenzo would yell and scream, "I don't want to go! I hate this woman!" (pointing at his mother) suck his thumb, and sit on the floor kicking his legs while screaming. Whenever his mother would approach, the kicking and punching would start over again.
The second time he was in the office, I was caught up with my work, so I was told to watch him closely. He occupied himself with the Nintendo 64 while I greeted the patients and signed them in. A toddler approached to the next console beside him. He saw her and punched her. Out of reaction, I smacked his butt. He yelled back at me, "Don't do that! I'll tell my daddy!" I apologized to the patient. The toddler was sad, but fine. He screamed and wailed for his father by the reception area. He pointed at me, "She hit my buttocks!" The father had just finished his dental work, so he came up to ask me to explain. After I told him what had happened, he called Lorenzo over to him and began to tell him in a gentle voice, "What you did to that baby was not very nice." Lorenzo yelled, "I don't care! She was playing my game."
Granted, I should have let my boss done the talking, but
I was pissed.
I told him that the dental office did not belong to him or his father. I told his father that if this is how his son was going to behave, he should be institutionalized. His father told me that I wouldn't know any better because I was a foreigner and too young to know how to raise a child. This was his statement:
In America, parents are not allowed to hit their children or they will be arrested.
I may have been a foreigner, but that does not give him the upper hand on how I wouldn't know about disciplining or raising a child. I learned from my mother that any parent who does not show discipline to their child lacks the respect and ability to teach meaningful lessons. I even mentioned this to my nurse, who was my Parenting Class instructor during my trimester. She said that boy really deserved a spanking. Yes, she did agree that my mother was right.
The women I tell my story to, actually feel for my mother. She is the absolute amazing woman a mother could be in such a situation; especially raising 4 gifted children. Her resilience still inspires me. I do wish she could tone it down more to a comfortable level. It's not everyday I can sit still and listen to her all day. It's an impossible feat with her around.
In any case, I can only account for my own child. If my child becomes unruly, feel free to tell her that what she is doing is not socially acceptable and that her parents will be notified of her actions. That alone will set her in place. Be aware that my child is different. She does not have Attention Deficit Disorder, she has no sign of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or show behaviors of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. She's just a chip of the old block sort of child. She just wants to be like everybody else.
