How to raise children in a capitalist society

Every child is different. They each have their own personality and views of how they see the world. Many parents both young and old have ways of raising their children. To some of those who regard themselves part of society, will incline themselves to want to show you that they know better than you do. Don't be that person at home.

How do we, parents, raise each children to be model citizens? Stop conforming to what society expects from your child. Further more, lead by example. You are your child's only role model. Forget about how you were raised. I know it's easier said than done, but healing yourself from your past certainly does your parenting skills a bit of good.

Whether or not your family is run by a patriarch or a matriarch, it is important not to rule out the importance of respect and responsibility. Teaching your child to be responsible and respectful goes a long way. Most importantly, be patient with them. When raising more than one child becomes a burden, don't be afraid to ask the older ones to help you out. Spending time with them is also important. Regardless of how busy you are at work or at home, take the time to make an appointment with them. Allowing your children to be respectful and considerate of your free time is also important. We, parents, need some time to ourselves too. Having a healthy relationship with your spouse is also important. Meeting the needs of each other will demonstrate to your children that having a good marriage is possible. Divorce is not fun. Having your children understand that their existence is not the cause of the divorce is very crucial. 

Having a good relationship with someone is challenging. It takes patience, respect and compromising to make it work. No one should be forced to stay in a marriage if there is abuse or blatant infidelity. I know some of you would think, "Why bother marrying someone if you know that person is a cheater?" First off, you wouldn't know. I am for long term friendship and intimacy before making a full time commitment of marriage. Heaven forbid if a child is conceived outside the marriage clause. Society loses their mind whenever a woman gets pregnant outside of marriage.

As a family, regardless how bad things get, should always help each other out. I never got help from my parents when I got pregnant before getting married. Abortion was not something I had in mind. Honestly, I loved my daughter's father. It was rather unfortunate he had become abusive during our time together. The divorce was harsh on everyone; including my daughter. I believe that a woman should have the choice for abortion; especially when they have been forced upon by oppressive men, who believe they have every right to a woman's body. 

I can't blame any one parent for any men who believe that they are God's gift to women. Society has been filling every children's mind with an ideal. The ideology that men should behave a certain way and women another. Society doesn't care about the family; only what benefits them socially, economically and financially. 

So, with that being said, what resources can we use to help ourselves to be better parents? Doing lots of research. Believe me, I read plenty of magazines, health articles and parenting blogs. It may be exhausting, but a little tip here and there from other parents can lift a lot of burden off your shoulders. Raising a child is not easy. I cannot imagine raising more than 6 children. Education and health resources become highly expensive. 

I have every reason to believe that the capitalist society are raising prices of our education and our health benefits. To what extent, is beyond me. Even government programs like WIC and food stamps require proof of income. Your household cannot earn a certain amount of money to qualify for government housing. Honestly, how can a family get by financially with their means to support a new set of family? The problem is not with society. The problem is within the home.

If we cannot teach our children to be responsible and respectful to each other, what makes us think that society can do the same for our family? Why have we allowed society to take hold of our sanctuary? What is the purpose of my blog? I'm not here to condemn the family. I'm here to make the individual families aware that the foundation of their home has gone awry. The family is the central unity of our individuality. A place we call home. A community in which we are accepted individuals. A family filled with unconditional love, unwavering respect and mutual understanding.

If our children do not feel the security of a family, we failed as parents. Society will do whatever it takes to take hold of our home; especially the broken family. So, how do we act?

1. Let your children know you love them unconditionally

2. Harsh lessons are better at home than it is outside the home

3. Be kind to one another. All of you. If you can't respect each other, why would you expect your children to do the same?

4. Forgive each other; including yourself

5. Set boundaries. Even a child needs to know that mommy and daddy need time alone too.

6. Aspire your child's interest; even if they want to copy you, don't turn it down

7. Do not set expectations you know you can't fulfill yourself

8. Make every moment fun

9. Mistakes happen. Don't sweat it

10. Do the best you can with what you have. Be thankful always.

What to do when your child shaves their eyebrows

I was devasted when I found my daughter without her eyebrows the morning I took her to get ready for school. I thank God that she didn't have a class photo event that day.

1. Don't panic. It will only worsen the situation. Okay. I admit. I reacted a little. Yes, a little. Needless to say, I'm still proud of myself for not over reacting to her badly done pencil liner attempt.

2. Remain calm. I actually realized how calm I had been these past three years since my therapy sessions seven years ago. I was actually sent to go ahead to get ready for work. Yes, I did get into anxiety mode went I got to the bedroom.

3. Ask Google for help. 152 hits. Surprisingly relieved that I was not the only parent. I read that Ulta sells DipEyebrow. The blogger mentioned a few cosmetic tips that helped her save her child's day.

4. Compromise with spouse to allow you to help devasted and embarrassed child. It took a lot of convincing. I was glad he gave me a chance; considering I have worked at a retail cosmetic department before. He has seen how impressive I can be with makeup. 

5. Thank your lucky stars that it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. I was actually impressed with myself pasting my donated eyebrow hair to her skin with the help of hairspray. I had to dab a bit of eyeshadow, eye liner and concealer to make the stubbies less noticable before I pasted my donated eyebrow hair.

6. Lay down boundaries. Just because I allowed to donate a few hairs, doesn't mean I'm going to continue to do so until those eyebrow hairs continue to grow. I'm glad I had done so. As soon as I finished my work on her face, she implied she needed a complete brow. Girl, don't make regret my generosity. When she realized it was a one time deal, she got all fidgety again. She didn't want to remove her hoodie.

That was some adventure. We still do not know why she had done it. She done did it anyway. She's not going to get a second take at my eyebrows again. 

High School in the 21st century

I can't believe it, but it's happening. My baby is heading off for high school. I'm really nervous. On the contrary, she's really excited. My hopes are still high that she would finally use her head and come to her senses.

I know I was excited when I started high school. It was a lot of responsibility. I was voted to be class librarian. I took the position with pride. I was a nutter when people did not return their books on time. I had fun. I was class librarian for 2 years. I enjoyed my 2nd year as a class librarian because my best friend, Francis was voted into it. We would spend hours in the library after school hours sorting books and discussing topics regarding new books and authors.

I had the roughest time during my Junior year. I was being prepped for the Junior Certificate of Education. It's an examination to determine where my strongest subject would be. It would mean being separated from my class based on academic skills. I didn't make it. I was sent to the Philippines to continue my education.

I didn't realize how different the American school systems are from British educational institutions. I had to repeat Junior high at a school, which was located 29 miles from my mother's home province. Even after my report card came back with flying colors, my parents were not as impressed as I would hope. I had to return to Brunei. My parents were not even sure I was worthy to go back to school. I asked for another chance. Needless to say, I did not have to repeat Junior high again for the 3rd time. I went straight to the 3rd semester of Senior High. I had a lot of catching up to do. It was a lot of pressure. The General Certificate of Education Ordinary Level exams were under way.

I was never really good at Bahasa Melayu. It was a language only Malayans use to communicate. Every country and region have their own dialect. The locals do not speak it. I was told it was too mundane to even use it. Even when I did speak it to a local (a man who couldn't speak a lick of English), t[he]y laughed at me and told me I was speaking "gobbledegook." I failed it; not with an "F" but with a "U" for Unacceptable.

Even if I do decide to speak Bahasa Melayu, I know enough to understand what the non-Bruneians are talking about. Bahasa Melayu is the national language of Malaysia.

At any rate. I had the best time in Science Class. It was really telling that I was good at English, Biology, Geography and Algebra. My mother was under the impression I would have gotten an A for Art, but I had a very biased art teacher. Whether or not she believes it to be true, Miss Loh only loves the student who follow her instructions. If she had Heather Rooney as her student, she would have given her an art certificate for the best artist award.

I have always been an abstract artist. Even when Miss Loh gave us projects in creating abstract artwork, the best grade she could give me was a "C." She wrote on my report card: "Can do better. Needs to improve." I don't blame Miss Loh for her prejudice. She had no inkling what "C" grades meant to my mother.

My daughter is academically smarter than I am. For that, I'm very fortunate. She knows I don't prod her often. It seems I need to start. For the first time in a long time, her report card came back with an "F." We asked her why. When we asked her teacher to clarify, her teacher told us that my daughter failed to turn in 8 assignments. Eight.
We asked her again. She told us that she didn't feel like doing her homework. Truly unnerving.

So, here's to the new school semester. I hope she keeps up with homework as much as school work. She's just going to jeopardize her chance in going to college.

Education at its best

My daughter's last semester's report had put my daughter in conflict. She has always wanted to go to a particular high school. Mainly because she has one of her friends going while she was assigned to another. She begged and reasoned with us to request the school board to change the school assignment.

After going through the ordeal of filling out the form and informing her that it may depend on her grades, the school board agreed. My daughter's excitement reminded me of what I could have been if I had been as diligent as I wanted to be. As I have written in previous blogs, I could have pressed on with my educational endeavor, but with the stress and pressure from the environment at home, the drive to pursue independent happiness wasn't there.

The programs provided by the aforementioned magnet high school, are inspiring. I wish I had these programs when I was at school. My drive to learn Astronomy, Graphic design, Creative writing, and Robotics would have been a great deal. I wouldn't have been depressed completing my homework. I'm really proud of my daughter for selecting the subjects she knows she can excel in. She has come a long way in getting where she is now. I don't nag her as often as I should. It's not to say I have never procrastinated before. I have my reasons. She's old enough to understand her responsibilities. We've emphasized why she only has little to none of the chores to do at home. We really want her to get the best grades she can to earn a scholarship.

Even though there are stories of successful celebrities dropping out of high school or college, education is still fundamental. It's not the diploma which breaks the ice in landing a job. It's the knowledge and affluence you bring to the table. The big corporations are looking for people who can do the job without protests yet be able to assert themselves to get to the corporate ladder. Sadly, I'm one of the people who can only get so far ahead. I have realized that customer service is not a main focus of most established corporations. The few companies that do are small and/or family owned businesses. Although there are businesses, established 50 years ago which still cater exemplary customer service. I'm lucky to work in a company that still focus on striving for good customer service. There are meetings every morning where our management team express gratitude towards our exemplary customer service. Despite the astronomical sales goals and creating new credit applications for the week, the drive to be the top store with the best customer service rating must be top priority.

My daughter told me that she wants to join the Army JROTC. I told her what to expect if she were to do so. I have my confidence in her. I just don't want her to be disappointed with her decisions to a point where she's going to gloom over it for the rest of her life. Depression has come full circle in my family. I'm hoping it's not the case with my daughter. When I was her age, I've always wanted to go somewhere far from home. Enlisting in the military was what I sought to do. After I realize what the military had to offer, I went for it because I know I had a chance to become my own person. I have not regretted the decision since then.

If and when she decides to enlist in the military, I'm not going to deny her independence. I just hope she is aware of the expectations the military has as an enlistee. Military jargon or not, enlistees are expected to think for themselves, follow instructions, have good judgments for the benefit of the squadron, strive to work hard to succeed and sacrifice time, effort and self-worth for the good of the country. If I could go back to the military, I would do so in a heartbeat. After my injury, I was deemed liable and unfit for military duty. I thank God everyday that my injury was a blessing. I would have been stuck in a war zone not knowing if I'd return alive to see my daughter where she is today. I'm praying everyday for the young man who took my slot, to be able to come home safe and sound to his own family. Maybe have a family of his own, and possibly grow old knowing a life of peace and happiness.

She's still young and has so much to learn. I'm hoping that she will soon realize that the world out there has more to offer her than what she believes. I'm still learning. Every passing day, new discoveries and fabled theories get thrown out the window. Who knows what else the past has hidden? Who's to say what we already know was not what it actually seemed?

It doesn't matter how old you are. Keep learning. Ask questions. Expand your knowledge. Explore the ends of the Earth if you must, but don't be an ass about it. The more you know, the more enlightened you'll be. You'll never have to delude yourself from the fascism of hatred, ignorance and prudence of others.